A Spark of Hope through a Sorrowful Death
by Tigress of the Moon
Summary: This takes place AFTER Nakago's death! Through reminscing about his past, Nakago is subconcsiously led to a girl whose life somewhat parallels his. Because he doesn't want her to become how he did, he decides to help her.
1. Chapter 1: A Life in Death

Disclaimer/ A/N: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, or Nakago, sadly, which should be obvious because this story wasn't made into anime or manga! (DUH!) [I do own Myou Karakousei, though...even though you don't know who she is yet...] {Oh, and, warning, SPOILERS!!!}Moving on, I've bet you've never read a fanfic like this before! Why? Because it takes place way AFTER Nakago's death AND he's still dead, not reincarnated! I've never read anything like this...So I hope you never have either! Enjoy the originality! ;) (Oh, and this disclaimer applies to ALL chapters!! Thanks!!)  
  
***  
  
A Spark of Hope through a Sorrowful Death  
  
Chapter 1: A Life in Death  
  
It was all over. He could never change the world to fit his goals now. Now, he could barely influence it. Both Mikos had left this world, permenately, and almost everyone on both sides had perished.  
  
On top of this, he had died at the hands of a Suzaku Seishi. Of Tamahome. The one he had so easily manipulated before. It was sort-of a sick irony, but he didn't care. His life had seemed almost pointless after Soi died, especially because he had acheived his revenge. Maybe not to the fullest extent he had dreamed, but the one who had tortured him as a child had died by HIS hands, quite literally.  
  
Though he would've loved to change the corrupt process the emporer had called 'government' himself, it was too late for that. He shouldn't even think about that now. There was nearly nothing he could do about it. He had did what he could when he was both alive and dead, and now there was nothing left.  
  
The word echoed inside his head....Nothing....  
  
Now what?  
  
He sighed, something he didn't often do. But, seriously, what was the point of holding back, of suppressing all other emotions that didn't lend power to his thirst for revenge, when he had already bathed in the blood of his torturer?...Nothing...  
  
He could feel the barrier to his memories and long subdued emotions braking when a bright, clear, white light filled his vision. He shielded his eyes with one arm and took a step back to steady himself. He had not expected such a bright light in this darkness and it had taken him by suprise.  
  
When the light faded to a some-what less-bright glow, he lowered his arm back to his side and looked with even more surprise at the glowing entity before him.  
  
"K-Kaasan?" He stumbled over the word like a loose stone in a dirt path.  
  
She smiled and nodded her head. "I've been watching you, Ayuru," said his mother, who was the one glowing the etherreal light, her garments and hair flowing around her as if she was suspended in water. "You've had many hardships in life, and now its time to lay them all to rest, as your body is now." She extended her hand to him, still smiling, both with her lips and eyes.  
  
He tentatively reached forward to touch his hand to hers, but then started to pull his hand back, only fractions away from touching hers. He then dropped his head down and closed his eyes as he returned his hand to his side.  
  
"Gomen nasai, okaasan...But...But I have many things to think about...I have many things to work out." He raised is head to look at her again. "Gomen nasai..."  
  
But she was already nodding as if she approved. "Wakatta...I understand..." She then looked at him questioningly, but also as if she already knew the answer. "I will be seeing you again, nee?"  
  
Nakago nodded. "Hai, sou desu."  
  
She closed her eyes as she nodded. "Wakatta...Mata, Ayuru."  
  
"Hai, mata okaasan."  
  
And with that she faded into a bright beam of light that engulfed her from the darkness above. When the light faded, she too faded with it.  
  
Nakago, or should it be Ayuru, smiled a bitter-sweet smile, not exactly knowing when he would see his mother, one of the two people he truly loved and cared about, again.  
  
It was then that the barrier to his emotions shattered into a thousand fragments, and the memories that had long been kept at bay overflowed into him with all the force and power of a tsunami.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Different, nee? I thought so...Well, NEXT CHAPTER!!!  
  
Caught up and carried by the flood of his past, Ayuru wanders to a village, absently pulled there by someone who feels so much like himself. Who is this girl? And why is she trying to free her life from her veins?  
  
Chapter 2: Engulfed in a Flood of the Past 


	2. Chapter 2: Engulfed in a Flood of the Pa...

A Spark of Hope through a Sorrowful Death  
  
Chapter 2: Avalanche of Memories, Broken Barrier of Emotions/Engulfed in a Flood of the Past  
  
He clutched at his head with his hands, digging his fingernails deep into his scalp as the memories and the emotions tied so deeply to them overflowed into his body. He could feel them enveloping him, his skin tingling with the amount of energy and emotion behind the flood. First hot, then cold, it was like he was still alive, still had a body.  
  
Then the barage of memories slowed, and although he could feel them swimming around inside his head, just one seemed to seep into the darkness around him now and he was then engulfed by a single memory.  
  
And it was the last thing he wanted to remember right now.  
  
Shock flooded through his body. The scene was so vivid, it was like he was living it again.  
  
The look of pain and shock in her eyes as the sword went into her back, and then the sorrow, and love that it was soon replaced by as she stared into his eyes.  
  
Nakago couldn't help but shiver. Soi...Oh, Gods Soi, I'm so sorry...You know...I-I truly did love you...Even if I never told you...Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself, to admit such a huge weakness as love...But now...Now that doesn't matter...  
  
She was kissing his lips, he could even feel them, how they had already started to loose some of their warmth. Had her face been pale from shock or loss of blood? He was too enveloped now by the emotions he had held back the first time to notice.  
  
Shock...Sadness...Pain...Grief...Lonliness...  
  
He could feel her tears against his cheek, some even left behind as she went limp and collapsed. The feel of her chi leaving her body, and being able to sense both spiritually and physically that she was gone. It was like someone was ripping out his heart strings, like his soul had suffered a mighty battle, as if it had been stabbed and cut and bruised all over, but all he could do was stare in shock.  
  
The scene faded and he was carrying her inside the palace. He leaned her against the wall, not wanting to soil her body with the blood that he was about to shed. He could feel himself going numb inside. Something was broken, he didn't care anymore. His thirst for revenge had subsided, something he had never thought would happen.  
  
The guards dropped like flies around him, their blood spurting out to splash against his cloak and armor, but he ignored it. What was a little blood from some more deaths? Nothing...  
  
His goal was in sight. The emporer stood unprotected in front of him. He couldn't even manage one of his sadistic smiles. It seemed like now his revenge had dwindled down to the task of taking out the garbage. He approached the already wounded emporer and plunged his hand through the man's chest. No, he wasn't a man, he was a monster, and deserved the brutal death that was now being delivered to him.  
  
And soon he was nothing more than a spray of blood against the walls.  
  
He could barely feel the blood that covered his hand and dripped down to run over his armor. No sooner had the job been done his eyes were on Soi again. The emporer had been made to feel his pain, and the pain of his people, but what good was that now? Now that the love he had once had and had finally grown to understand was lost.  
  
The scene flickered and the memory changed again.  
  
"Kaasama!" And there was an explosion of his chi that equally represented the anger and pain he had felt when he had looked upon his mother and those terrible soldiers, and as his energy calmed and he opened his eyes, all he saw was blood. Blood and the almost empty suits of armor, and the shattered swords, and the broken bloody remnants of his mother. All deaths he had caused. He had killed the one he had loved the most.  
  
The memories of the emporer went by in a blur, his mind too fixated on his mother.  
  
Thess memories too faded but then left him to the darkness. He hadn't realized until the whirlpool of memories subsided into a some-what calmer pool that he had been crying. He was on his hands and knees trying to suck in air between the sobs. He hadn't cried this much since he was what? Ten, eleven years old?  
  
But it was such a sick and twisted irony! The two people he had loved and cherished were dead because of him, and died horrible deaths as well. But, then again, he was dead too now.  
  
He used his hands to push himself up and then stood straight, letting the last of his tears dry on his cheeks.  
  
He could feel as well as see the darkness around him fade, but it wasn't into a memory, it was more like into...the present?  
  
There was a small village before him, one he had never seen before, and one hut that was closer to him than the rest.  
  
He approached it at a casual pace and curiously peered in through the window, wondering what could have possibly drawn him here.  
  
It was then that he noticed a girl around seventeen years old, tears streaming down her face, a dagger plunged deep into one wrist, the other one dripping, no, more like streaming blood.  
  
For a second, another scene seemed to blur and then weave itself into and over this one. It looked like an over-enlarged fabric of light blue threads, and it was almost as if he could see this girl's being interwoven among them.  
  
Something about the thread and the way it interplayed with the others made him want to help her with a desire that overcame all his memories and now made her the subject of his attention.  
  
"Stop!" he yelled. Could she hear him? She seemed to freeze at the sound of his voice, but he was dead.  
  
***  
  
A/N: You enjoy? Then please review! And remember to stick around for the rest of the fic!  
  
NEXT CHAPTER!!  
  
Who is he? An angel? The golden-haired being seemed to be surrounded in an aura of pure white light. She was so awestuck by his prescence that she dropped her dagger and didn't notice his lack of wings. Had the Gods sent her an angel to stop her, or was she hallucinating from lack of blood?  
  
Chapter 3: The Golden Haired Angel (or just until I come up with a better title...*sweatdrop*) 


	3. Chapter 3: The Golden Haired Angel

A Spark of Hope through a Sorrowful Death  
  
Chapter 3: The Golden Haired Angel  
  
She froze. The dagger slipped out of her grasp and fell, clattering across the floor. "Who?...Who's there?" she asked, as she turned her head around, glancing toward the window.  
  
No sooner had she looked a form started to fade into the room. The glowing figure had hair like that of the finest spun gold which framed his pale face, bringing out the midnight-blue pools that were his eyes. She gasped in shock and turned away. "Have the Gods sent me an angel?...I'm not worthy of anything near that...Maybe I'm just hallucinating from the blood loss..." Her head had been starting to feel fuzzy, like a thick, damp fog was spreading itself out inside her head.  
  
Nakago actually smiled as he bent down next to her. She thinks I'm an angel?...Far from it...  
  
He was about to tell her who he truly was when he notice the faded look in her eyes. Looking down he saw the steady drip of blood onto the floor beneath her.  
  
Memories flashed through his head at the sight of it. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and gritted his teeth. Then, realizing the girl was fading fast, snapped his eyes open and tried getting to her.  
  
"Ano...ano....," he tried poking her, she nearly fell out of the chair. He was surprised. Not only had he been able to touch her, but he wasn't exactly weak either.  
  
He started shaking her shoulders. No reponse.  
  
He looked around the room. He needed something to staunch the blood flow. It was very rare that someone would actually die from wounds like this, but if they were left open and untreated long enough, they certainly weren't unheard of.  
  
Ayuru hoped she wouldn't mind as he went over to her bed and started ripping apart the end of one of the sheets. He'd use some of his cloak but he could tell it didn't work that way. His clothes really didn't exist anymore, kind-of like him. He grimaced at that thought, but did not allow it to delay him in the task he had set forth to do.  
  
He wiped some of the blood off of one of the wounds, and then began to bond it tightly together with a stip of the sheet. He did the same with the other wrist and could only hope that she hadn't sliced through any tendons or legiments.  
  
A couple of minutes later he saw her blink her eyes and then shake her head, most likely to clear it from the grogginess of her recent bout of unconsciousness.  
  
When the room swam back into focus she realized the heavenly figure was now in a half kneel, half crouch poisition next to her, a lot closer than he was before. She nearly fell off the chair in an attempt to move away from him. The movement sent a stab of pain through her head. Good job, Myou. First you fail at attempting suicide, only giving yourself a headache, and now you almost fall out of the chair.  
  
"Listen..." she began, clutching the side of her head as she grimanced. Ow..Talking hurts. "Listen, I think you've got the wrong person. I don't know why you're trying to help me, I'm useless. You should go help someone else who actually deserves it."  
  
Nakago, now standing, was taken back so much that he actually took a step backward. "What? You can't be serious...Why wouldn't I want to help you?" Actually, why would I want to help her?...This isn't very much like me...Then again.. He looked down at his translucent hand. I'm not exactly myself anymore...I'll never be who I was again.  
  
Myou Karakousei shook her head. Oww..Bad move...Now it hurts even more. "Look," she said, looking at him as she attempted to stand, ignoring the daggers of pain shooting through her head. "I. Am. Useless." She opened her arms in a pleading gesture, the patches of scarlet standing out brightly on the crisp white of the make-shift bandages. "What good am I for? No one believes what I say and I'm totally alone where I stand right now. Things can only get worse, I've already given up on the possibility of them getting better." She dropped her hands to her sides. "There's just no more point!" She fell down into her chair, tearing her gaze away from him. "There's no purpose in you being here! You can't erase my past and my future is hopeless! Just let me die!" She could feel the tears building in her eyes. Tears of anger, and sorrow. "Please," she whispered, a single tear escaping from her eye and slowly slipping down her cheek. "I don't want to do this any longer."  
  
Nakago sighed and looked at her, the pity he felt clearly reflected in his eyes. She quickly glanced at him through the corner of her eyes and noticed with shock the expression on his face. It seemed more human than angelic. In fact, his atire was more of a military general than an angel. She shook her head. It's the blood...It's gotta be the blood. It was then that she noticed her wrists her tightly bound. Her jaw dropped when she looked at them. The bleeding had clearly stopped. She would've twitched if she had the energy, but that seemed to have slowly leaked out of her as the blood had.  
  
She sighed. She realized she had lost. She couldn't even take her own life. She tried to think that maybe it was for the best, but the idea kept escaping from her grasp like a flower petal whisked away by the breeze.  
  
"Okay," she said, as she turned to face him. "If you really want to help me, then I guess I have no choice. So..Now what?"  
  
Now what? He thought it the same time she said it. That's a good question.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Sorry for the short chapter! I'll write more soon! I kind-of strayed from my original plans a bit, so I have to think about the next part...Well, C'ya! And don't forget to read and review!!  
  
NEXT CHAPTER!!  
  
Ayuru and Myou stared at each other, one sitting, one standing. His glow had faded a bit, and he seemed almost solid. Almost. She could still see the window through him, but barely. Before he knows what he's doing, he's explaining to her who he is and how exactly he got there, and she catches quite a few similarities along the way. Could he finally be the one to understand?  
  
Chapter 4: Understandment Dawns a New Friendship (I really have to work on these chapter titles...*sweatdrop*) 


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